


Girl Next Door

by frankiesin



Category: Bandom, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, As in Ryan's a dumbass who dates college boys sometimes, Dumb Teenage Boys, F/F, Implied Underage, M/M, Mutual Pining, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-11
Updated: 2018-05-09
Packaged: 2019-04-21 15:35:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,352
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14288031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/frankiesin/pseuds/frankiesin
Summary: After his parents get divorced, Spencer, his mom, and his sisters move to a smaller house on the other side of town. There, Spencer meets Linda, who's everything he could want in a friend or girlfriend. The only problem is that Spencer has no idea how to kiss girls, or anyone.Luckily, there's Ryan, who knows everything about kissing.(one-sided Splinda, eventual Rycer/Larah)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be just one long fic but I have no self control and I kept forgetting I was writing this. So now it's chaptered. Like nohic and Plus One, I've written ahead, so I'll try and keep it on a schedule of updating once a week until I catch up with myself. 
> 
> Also, because it's me, Spencer is trans. And Ryan's autistic even though it's not explicitly stated because why the fuck not.

Spencer hated the new house. It was boring and there wasn’t any character, and on top of that, it was really far away from Ryan. It sucked that his parents had split, and it sucked even more that his dad was moving to California, but the most sucky part of this whole summer was that his mom had decided to move into a slightly smaller house. There was no reason to do that. Spencer still had his own room across from his sisters, and his mom still had her own room downstairs. The only difference was that they didn’t have a pool in the backyard anymore and Ryan wasn’t two doors down. 

 

Ryan was the most important part. He and Spencer had grown up together. He’d been the first person Spencer came out to, first in second grade when Spencer realised he was a boy, and then again in seventh when Spencer realised he was bisexual. And Spencer had been the first person Ryan came out to as gay the summer after. They were best friends, and Ryan had helped Spencer find guy clothes that made him look and feel good about himself. Spencer let Ryan talk about his band obsessions as much as he wanted, and sometimes he even got into the bands Ryan loved. 

 

It was a beautiful friendship. But then Spencer’s parents ruined it by getting a divorce and moving to different houses. Spencer and his sisters were still going to the same school, but it sucked anyway. 

 

Spencer was going to be a sophomore. He was excited, mostly because Ryan was going to get his license soon and that meant he could come over whenever he wanted and not just when his stupid dad let him. His sisters were going into seventh grade, and Crystal had discovered makeup and boys right when Jackie discovered soccer. Their mom didn’t know what to do about any of this, because Spencer had never been a middle school girl. 

 

“Just get her, like, drug store makeup,” Spencer said. He and his mom were unpacking the kitchen. Crystal and Jackie were at summer camp, because their parents had set it up so that they wouldn’t have to deal with the awkward post-divorce shit. Spencer, apparently, was old enough to handle it. Spencer thought that was bullshit, but he wasn’t going to tell his mom that. She was now a single mom, and he could tell it was stressing her out a lot. 

 

“I know, but I’m worried she’ll get into… other things,” Spencer’s mom said. 

 

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Mom, if Crystal or Jackie start seeing guys, I’ll deal with it. I’m the intimidating older brother, after all. You’re supposed to be the mom.”

 

“I thought moms were in charge of keeping their daughters safe,” Ginger said, standing up and putting a hand on her hip. She raised an eyebrow at her son. “Or did that change since I was in school?”

 

“Moms are still in charge, but you’re not cool,” Spencer said. He quickly added, “in Jackie and Crystal’s minds, of course. I think you’re awesome. Ryan thinks you’re even more awesome. You should totally adopt him, by the way. We could share a room and you wouldn’t even notice the difference.”

 

“I’ve seen that boy eat. I would notice the difference,” she said. Spencer frowned. He just wanted to hang out with his best friend, but apparently that was too much for his mom. Whatever. She was just getting used to having to deal with three kids on her own. He could probably ask her again after his birthday and she’d say yes. Spencer’s mom loved Ryan, anyway, and she didn’t mind making extra food for him, because Ryan was always fucking growing and he always looked like he hadn’t eaten in about two days. 

 

Spencer knew that sometimes Ryan forgot to eat, or that all the food at his house made his texture issues go off. Spencer didn’t always understand why Ryan couldn’t handle certain textures, but he went with it. Besides, Spencer liked oatmeal, and he had no issue eating Ryan’s if Ryan didn’t want it. 

 

The doorbell rang, startling Ginger and Spencer out of their unpacking. Spencer looked at his mom, and she gave him a look that meant he had to go be social with whoever was there. Spencer sighed and walked to the front of the house, checking through the peephole first to make sure it wasn’t a serial killer. It wasn’t. It was a mom and her teenage daughter, who was really cute. Not that Spencer was interested in getting a girlfriend, or anything, but he knew a cute girl when he saw one. 

 

Spencer opened the door. “Uh. Hi?”

 

“Hi!” the mom said, grinning. “We heard you guys just moved in! Is your mom home by chance?”

 

“Yeah, hold on,” Spencer said, and then yelled into the house that there were people here to say hi to Ginger. She responded that she’d be there in a second, and Spencer turned back to the two people in his doorway. “Uh. Should I… do you guys want to come in? I’m Spencer, by the way.”

 

“Nice to meet you, Spencer,” the mom said as she stepped through the door. “I’m Ms. Ignarro, and this is Linda, my daughter.”

 

“Hey. Cool socks, by the way,” Linda said, pointing to Spencer’s feet and smiling. He was wearing socks with lava lamps on them that he’d gotten as a birthday present last year from his friend Gabe. She was wearing a Led Zeppelin tank top tucked into a pair of cargo shorts and she had her hair up in a braid. 

 

“Thanks,” Spencer said. “Do you like Led Zeppelin?”

 

“Yeah,” Linda said. She looked past Spencer to where their moms were talking in the kitchen. “You know, you’re really good at conversation.”

 

“I don’t usually talk to girls,” Spencer said, and then mentally smacked himself because that made him sound like a creepy neckbeard dude who posted on Reddit about how girls never talked to him even though he was gross as shit. “Not… I mean. I do talk to girls, I just… most of my friends are guys. And I’ve known most of them since I was like, ten. So I’m kind of rusty on the whole introduction thing.”

 

“Oh,” Linda said. “My family moves around a lot, so I’ve kind of gotten used to it. You just have to find the most interesting thing a person is wearing and comment on it. And then usually ask them where they got it from or why they got it.”

 

“Well, I have no idea where these socks came from, because they were a birthday present, and I guess my friend got them for me because lava lamps are cool,” Spencer said. “What about your shirt? What’s the story behind that?”

 

“My mom and dad met at a Zeppelin concert, and my mom actually wore this while she was tearing the Berlin wall down,” Linda said. “I turned it into a tank top because it gets really hot around here in the summer.”

 

“Your mom tore down the Berlin wall?” Spencer said, his eyes widening in awe. Linda’s mom did not look like the kind of woman who went around dismantling giant concrete walls. She looked like any other suburban mom. 

 

“Yeah,” Linda said. “She and my dad both did, but that was before they actually met. Wild, huh?”

 

“Definitely,” Spencer said. He had nothing on this girl. Sure, he could bring up that his mom was in PFLAG and that she’d almost gotten in a fistfight with a transphobe two years ago, but that didn’t seem as cool. People who supported tearing down the Berlin wall could also be transphobes. The two weren’t mutually exclusive, and Spencer didn’t want to out himself to someone he’d just met. He didn’t want Linda to treat him like a soft boy, or boy light, or however else the cis rationalised babying him. 

 

Spencer shoved his hands in his pockets. “My mom isn’t that cool. She just does, like, mom stuff.”

 

“Hey, my mom does mom stuff too. She’s not cool anymore,” Linda said. She rolled her eyes. “She won’t let me have anyone over unless she can give them the safe sex talk first. It’s ridiculous.”

 

“Oh, dude, that’s embarrassing,” Spencer said. He and Ryan had had that talk once, with both of Spencer’s parents, and it had been the worst experience of Spencer’s life. Spencer’s parents knew he was bi, and they knew that Ryan was gay, and even though they were great cis allies, they hadn’t forgotten the whole Spencer has a vagina thing. Which meant that when Spencer got ihs first period, his parents sar him and Ryan down on their old couch and explained to them both that they were not allowed to sexually experiment with each other, at least not until they were financially independent. 

 

Ryan and Spencer had never even kissed each other, because that would be  _ weird.  _ Spencer couldn’t even imagine kissing Ryan, because Ryan was his best friends and there were certain boundaries that weren’t supposed to be crossed. 

 

“Do your parents do that, like, when you have girls over?” Linda said. She grinned. “Or have you never had a girl over at your house?”

 

“I’ve had girls over!” Spencer sputtered out, and then realised that the last time he had a girl come over to his house he’d been nine. “I mean, you’re here. You’re a girl.”

 

“Yeah, but I don’t think you’re trying to hook up with me,” Linda said. She looked at Spencer, her eyes dropping down to his hands, which were still in the pockets of his cargo shorts. “You’re not, are you?”

 

“No, no, definitely not. I mean, we just met,” Spencer said. He could feel his face heating up, which wasn’t fair. Linda was a pretty girl, and Spencer was trying not to end up as a fuckboy, because that would be the worst and Ryan would never let him hear the end of it. He took a hand out of his pocket to push his bangs out of his face. “I’m not--I don’t want to be that kind of guy, you know? I’d want to be friends with someone before I tried to… I mean, not that I want to date you, or not date you, I don’t know you. Like you said, we just met--”

 

“Hey, I get it,” Linda said. Spencer couldn’t tell if she was laughing at him or if she was laughing because the conversation was as awkward as Spencer felt it was. He hoped it was the second. Spencer could deal with awkward conversations. He’d had a lot of those in his life. 

 

“So…” Spencer said, deciding that the best thing to do would be to change the subject entirely. “I’m guessing you go to Bishop Gordon?”

 

“Yeah, I’m going to be a junior,” Linda said. “My mom’s already asking me about college. I’m not ready for college; I barely know how to drive.”

 

“I’m making my friend get his licence so that I don’t have to,” Spencer said. 

 

“You’ll have to introduce me to your friend, then. That way neither of us have to figure out the whole driving thing,” Linda said. Spencer nodded. He could do that. Ryan would be weird about it, because Ryan was always weird around new people, but they could get past it. Ryan needed more friends. Both of them did. 

 

* * *

 

Ryan came over the next day, and the five of them went out to the nearest movie theatre to see  _ Wonder Woman _ . Spencer wasn’t looking forward to it, because he was afraid that people would see him, his two sisters, and his mom and think it was a girls day out and Ryan was the awkward brother/boyfriend who’d been dragged along. He knew it was supposed to be a good movie, and it was awesome that there was a girl superhero movie out, but Spencer didn’t want to see it. 

 

Well, he did, just not with a bunch of girls and Ryan. 

 

Ryan was tapping his foot against the floor while Ginger got the tickets in order. He had his earbuds in, and his music was just loud enough for Spencer to hear. Spencer considered taking an earbud for himself, but he didn’t want to play into the boyfriend/girlfriend image that he was afraid people saw. 

 

Ryan took out his earbuds once they were inside the building and getting popcorn. Spencer’s mom let them sneak in drinks, so long as they didn’t throw the bottles away in the theatre, but they always ended up buying a giant thing of popcorn for everyone to share. Spencer was fine with that. He had his bottle of Coke tucked in under his arm and he was ready to go. He didn’t make eye contact with the girl behind the counter, in case she thought he was like her. She had a pixie cut, and a bunch of piercings in her ear, and Spencer knew she was a lesbian. He also knew that lesbians thought he was one of them a lot, and he hated it. He wasn’t a lesbian, he was a guy. There was a big difference. 

 

“You look stressed,” Ryan commented as the two of them trailed behind Spencer’s mom and his sisters. He was winding and unwinding his earbuds around his phone. “Why?”

 

“Just dysphoria, I guess,” Spencer said. He didn’t want to talk about his feelings. Not in public. Ryan, for once, seemed to pick up on that and didn’t say anything. He offered his fist for a fist bump, though, which Spencer took him up on. Ryan wasn’t a very tactile guy, but he was cool with fist bumps. Fist bumps were Ryan’s hugs, and Spencer appreciated the hell out of them. 

 

Wonder Woman was awesome, as Spencer had expected, and he left the theatre wanting to get punched in the face by a hot girl. He wasn’t sure if that was the feeling he was supposed to have after watching that movie, but he was a teenage boy and therefore he was a bit of an idiot. All of his other friends, who were also teenage boys, were all idiots, so it made sense that Spencer fit in with them. 

 

“Oh yeah, I met the new neighbours the other day,” Spencer said. His mom and Jackie were both using the bathroom, and Crystal was on her new phone, ignoring them. “There’s a girl, our age. She’s under the impression that you’re cool, somehow.”

 

“Fix that,” Ryan said. “I don’t want people to think that I’m anything other than a fucking nerd.”

 

“Don’t say fuck,” Crystal said, rolling her eyes. “Girls don’t like that.”

 

“You can’t say it either, Crys,” Spencer said. He was the older brother. He was totally allowed to yell at his sister for swearing. That was a normal thing that older brothers did, especially when they thought that their sisters were growing up way too fast for their own good. “I will gladly tell mom about that.”

 

“And?” Crystal said, raising her eyebrow. “I’ll just tell her that you and Ryan smoke weed.”

 

“Don’t you dare,” Spencer said. They only smoked with Brendon, who had anxiety and the weed helped him calm the hell down. He also had ADHD, and sometimes when he smoked he was able to concentrate on things for more than ten minutes at a time. It was always weird when he did, because he seemed almost unnatural. Ryan and Spencer were only invited along because Brendon had a huge boner for Ryan and Spencer was Ryan’s best friend and therefore came with him almost everywhere. Spencer also had a good amount of spending money, because he rarely used his allowance, and so he could help actually pay for the weed. 

 

“Then don’t tell mom I swear,” Crystal said. 

 

Spencer hadn’t been planning to tell his mom in the first place, but whatever. “Sure. I won’t tell her shit.”

 

Ryan poked Spencer in the shoulder. “She does know I’m gay, right? Like, I don’t care what girls like.”

 

“I know Ryan,” Spencer said. 

 

“Yeah, but does your sister?”

 

Spencer sighed. “Crystal. You know that Ryan’s gay, right?”

 

“Obviously,” Crystal rolled her eyes. Spencer really wished she’d stop doing that. He knew he did it too, but it wasn’t his go to reaction whenever someone said something stupid to him. Spencer had a collection of expressions that made people feel like morons, and he knew not to overuse any of them. 

 

Spencer turned to Ryan. “See? Told you so.”

 

“Don’t be a dick about it,” Ryan said. 

 

Spencer grinned. “When have I  _ ever  _ been a dick to you.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to ao3 for being a little bitch and constantly kicking me off my own account. Really appreciate that. 
> 
> Anyway, here's the next chapter of the fic, enjoy!

The first day of school sucked ass. Spencer had Economics first period, and he was stuck sitting behind Tyler Joseph, who was the actual worst person in the world. First of all, he was straight. Second, he was a jock, and played  _ basketball _ of all things. And third of all, he had a girlfriend that he never shut up about. Tyler Joseph was the only straight man in the world who actually appreciated women as something other than a nice ass, and Spencer hated him for it. 

 

Well, no. Spencer appreciated that Tyler Joseph wasn’t total garbage like most straight guys, but he wished the guy could just… not have a girlfriend. 

 

“Hey, so, Jenna knitted this cute little scarf thing, right?” Tyler was saying to his friend, who Spencer didn’t know at all. “And it’s so adorable. You follow her on instagram, right? She’s, like, totally into arts and crafts and it’s the cutest thing I’ve seen in my life--””

 

Blah blah blah. It’d be endearing if it wasn’t so unnecessarily heterosexual. Spencer also got transphobic vibes off the guy, but he didn’t have any concrete evidence to back it up. Ryan didn’t notice shit, and none of Spencer’s other friends knew that he was trans, so he couldn’t ask anyone if he was being a dumbass or not. So Spencer had to just suffer through Econ class while Tyler Joseph and his popular kid privilege rambled on about his dumb girlfriend. 

 

Spencer frowned. He wanted a girlfriend. He wanted to kiss an actual, real girl and not just think about it when he was alone and had his door locked just in case. 

 

Second period was English, which was marginally better because Brendon was there. Brendon was also on his phone, which sucked because it meant he was ignoring the notes Spencer was trying to pass him. Spencer didn’t hate English class, but his teacher this year was slow as shit, and she kept talking about antithesises as though Spencer was supposed to know what the fuck that meant. 

 

He and Ryan had the same lunch, which meant that God was real and he didn’t hate gay people like some Christians thought. Spencer also had lunch with Brendon, Dallon, Jon, and Patrick, so God was genuinely real this time and Spencer wasn’t just being a little shit. 

 

The boys crammed into a table, along with Patrick’s new friend named Joe who knew Jon from a summer camp many years ago. There were no girls. Spencer realised that was a little weird, since they were all teenagers and past the whole cooties era. 

 

Joe was in Spencer’s French class, but he hated French so he wasn’t the best partner. He was, however, the only person Spencer knew and Spencer didn’t want to make new friends on the first day and have them think he was a girl, so he partnered with Joe anyway and tried not to strangle him whenever he put on a purposely shitty French accent. 

 

“That’s not how French people speak,” Spencer said, finally. 

 

“No, but it’s more fun than what we’re supposed to be doing,” Joe commented. 

 

Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m going to abandon you for someone else, I swear.”

 

“Not my problem,” Joe said. 

 

Spencer ended up trading partners with the girl in front of him. His new partner was a guy named Gabe, who was fluent in Spanish but had been thrown into French when the teachers realised this. Gabe was from South America, and had learned English as a kid, and he’d been taking Spanish since middle school so that he didn’t have to worry about all of his classes. 

 

Spencer liked Gabe. The guy knew a bunch of life hacks, and he wasn’t half bad at French either. He wasn’t great, and he sounded like he was about to flip over into Spanish every time he and Spencer managed a conversation, but it was better than Joe’s bad impressions. 

 

Gabe was also in Spencer’s math class, and the two of them claimed seats in the back. There were a bunch of girls in front of them, and Gabe immediately tried to get their attention, but they all just giggled and went back to whatever they’d been talking about without the two of them. Spencer rolled his eyes. Whatever. Maybe girls were all overrated. Aside from Linda, of course, who was awesome even though she and Spencer hadn’t hung out since Spencer moved into her neighbourhood. 

 

They rode the same bus, but Spencer wasn’t very talkative in the morning, and he’d spent the morning bus ride with his earbuds plugged in and his eyes closed. Linda had been reading, anyway, so it wasn’t like he’d been outright ignoring her. 

 

* * *

 

Linda had a pool in her backyard. Spencer figured this out when she invited him over to help him out with math. She was in the same grade as Ryan, but unlike Ryan, she could do math. She was probably straight, then, because Spencer had never met a gay person who could do math. Alan Turing was the only gay mathematician ever, and he’d just sucked up all the gay math abilities over his life. 

 

“How did you not tell me about this sooner?” Spencer said. He basically had his face pressed to the glass door. Linda was behind him, holding back her laughter. 

 

“Because I was trying to help you,” Linda said. “Not get dragged into the water.”

 

“We’ve done enough math,” Spencer said, waving his hand at her. “Let me go get swim stuff on.”

 

“It’s my pool!” Linda exclaimed. She reached for Spencer, holding his arm before he could go running off to slip into a waterproof binder and swim trunks. She had her hair down now, and she was wearing a pair of librarian glasses, and she was the prettiest person Spencer had ever looked at. Gorgeous, even. “If you wanna swim instead of studying, you have to invite at least one of your friends over.”

 

“What, are you afraid to go swimming alone?” Spencer asked. 

 

Linda shook her head. “No, I just want to meet these friends you keep mentioning. I’m starting to think they aren’t real.”

 

“They’re totally real,” Spencer said. 

 

“Prove it,” Linda said. “Invite them over. Impromptu pool party. I’ll even invite over some girls I know, so that it won’t be a total sausage fest in my backyard.”

 

Spencer forced himself to laugh. Of course Linda would assume it was a sausage fest, and not realise that Spencer didn’t have a fucking dick. On one hand, he was relieved, because that meant he passed and Linda wasn’t even questioning it, but on the other hand… not every guy had a sausage. It made Spencer a little uncomfortable to be reminded of that. 

 

He invited Ryan over anyway. Ryan said he would be bringing a friend, which meant that Ryan was into some guy he’d found on Tinder and was trying to seduce him. Ryan was pretty good at seducing guys. He was not, however, good at actually dating guys, because he spent most of his time at Spencer’s house and he didn’t like going to stranger’s houses unless one of his really good friends would also be there. And it was a little weird for Ryan to hook up with guys in Spencer’s room. 

 

It had happened twice before. Spencer washed his sheets a lot. 

 

Ryan and the new guy arrived at Spencer’s house about thirty minutes later, and Spencer got to meet Pete. Pete was nineteen, but according to Ryan he’d just turned nineteen so it was totally not weird. It was a little weird. Spencer hoped Linda wouldn’t think Ryan was a fucking weirdo. 

 

Other than being way too old for Ryan, Pete was cool. He was in a band, or trying to be in a band, since he only had himself and a drummer, and he had a lot of tattoos. He was also really into writing and poetry, which explained why Ryan was completely ignoring the age difference. 

 

Linda opened the door wearing a pair of shorts and a bikini top, and Spencer genuinely forgot how the English language worked. She was also no longer wearing her glasses, which was unfortunate, because Spencer liked her glasses. They were cute. Linda grinned. “Hey guys.”

 

“Hey, so this is Ryan, and Ryan’s friend Pete,” Spencer said. 

 

“Hi,” Pete said. He even waved. Okay, so he was too old for Ryan but he was still just as awkward as any other teenager. Spencer could work with this. This wasn’t the worst dude Ryan had found on tinder. Ryan was horrible at picking out his own boyfriends. They were all hot, without a doubt, but they were all fucking weird in some capacity. 

 

Linda’s pool was awesome, and Spencer didn’t feel weird about wearing a binder when both Ryan and Pete were shirtless. He did, however, feel weird when Ryan and Pete started making out in the shallow end of the pool. Spencer had no idea what to do in this kind of situation, because Ryan usually waited until he was in a house or a bedroom to start doing shit. Spencer didn’t want to just leave Linda alone with two guys she didn’t know very well. 

 

“Ryan’s friend, huh?” Linda asked, arching an eyebrow. 

 

“I guess?” Spencer said. There was no safe heterosexual way out of this one. 

 

“I wouldn’t have cared, you know,” Linda said. “That Ryan and Pete were gay. People can love whoever they want, you know?”

 

“True,” Spencer said. 

 

“Did you think I’d be a jerk about it?”

 

“Uh,” Spencer said, because no but also he didn’t trust people that well. Ryan was just horrible at picking up social cues, and if Pete was the kind of dude okay with dating high schoolers, then he probably had no boundaries either. 

 

Linda frowned. “Spence… I mean, I saw the pins on your backpack. If I was going to say something shitty I would have said it already.”

 

“I forgot I had pins on my backpack,” Spencer half-whispered. He didn’t have any trans pins on there, because he was trying to convince the world that he had never been a girl, ever, and he didn’t want people to get any ideas otherwise. He did, however, have both the gay pride and the bi pride pin on his backpack, as well as a few others that had nothing to do with sexuality but were still kind of embarrassing to show off in front of his crush. 

 

Yep. He had a crush on Linda. Spencer was really living the great American teenage romcom dream. Complete with a dumbass for a best friend who liked to make out with hot college guys in pools now. Spencer was pretty sure that wasn’t a staple in shitty heterosexual romcoms. 

 

“You know Bishop Gordon has a GSA, right?” Linda asked. “Ever consider joining?”

 

“I’m not--I never said I was gay,” Spencer said. “Because I’m not. Gay, that is.”

 

“I never said you were, but I mean, Ryan is, and it might be nice for you guys to have more gay friends,” Linda said. “I’ve been a few times, actually. It’s not bad.”

 

“My friend Patrick, he’s pan, he says it’s a bunch of anime girls and then, like, three genderqueer kids with bad dye jobs,” Spencer said. He bit his lip. “I don’t mean that, like, genderqueer kids are bad or like, faking it, but there’re just certain types of gay people, and gay allies, that rub me the wrong way. Like, I don’t know if you’ve ever experienced this, but do you ever meet someone and just  _ know _ they’re a fucking Steven Universe fan?”

 

“You mean like when you meet someone and know they voted for Trump, but more specific?” Linda said. 

 

Spencer nodded. “Kind of. But it’s more of a gay specific thing.”

 

“Like seeing a girl with a pixie cut and realising, no, she’s not a lesbian, she’s just a straight girl who loves Kylo Ren and thinks that he and Rey are endgame,” Linda said. She shuddered at the thought. 

 

“Yes!” Spencer exclaimed. “Or like when you see a guy and you know he watches Drag Race constantly but if he ever met a real life trans person he’d call them a tranny or whatever?”

 

“I have never run into that kind of person, but if we’re ever hanging out together and you see one, please tell me,” Linda said. 

 

“I will,” Spencer said. He was glad she hadn’t said anything shitty about trans people yet. Cis people, even when they were genuinely trying to be allies, always ended up saying awkward shit. Spencer never knew how to deal with it. Usually he just laughed awkwardly and changed the subject as quickly as he could, because it was easier to ignore cis nonsense then to talk about it and potentially out himself. 

 

He dropped down into the water so that his chin was touching the top of it. Linda was about the same height as him, but she was standing so that her collar bones were just out of the water, and she was looking down at him. Spencer ducked his head under the water, and then came right back up because Ryan’s hand was on Pete’s crotch and Spencer did not need to see that. He could go right back to pretending he had no idea what the hell was going on over there. He was great at pretending. 

 

He flipped his hair away from his face. “So, uh, I’m actually bi. By the way.”

 

“That’s cool,” Linda said. “So the rainbow button…?”

 

“It’s just for show,” Spencer said. “And because that’s what most gay people know best. But I like guys, and girls, and most people in between.”

 

“So why bi and not pan then?” Linda asked. “Unless that’s, like, a personal thing.”

 

“Nah, it’s cool,” Spencer said. “And I figured out I was bi back before pansexual was really a thing people called themselves. I mean, people would joke and say they were, like, omnisexual or whatever, but no one really meant it. And I guess I’m really pan, if we’re going by the current definitions, but I’ve always called myself bi and it would be weird to change it now, you know?”

 

“Yeah,” Linda said. “I mean, people shouldn’t have to throw labels onto themselves unless they want to. You can call yourself bi if that’s what works for you.”

 

“Right? I mean, who really cares that much about having a hype-specific label on themselves? It’s not like I could walk up to a straight person and have them understand what I’m talking about. Straight people don’t know anything. No offense,” Spencer said. Linda hadn’t mentioned being bi or anything, so Spencer was assuming she was straight. She might not be, but Spencer was trying to give off positive, supportive vibes. He didn’t need the GSA, since he had Ryan and a few other guys who were gay or bi. It was pretty awesome, and since they weren’t an official club, they didn’t have to let anyone in. 

 

Spencer had heard enough stories about high school GSAs getting turned into a bunch of straight girls looking for their GBF. Spencer didn’t want to be a part of that. 

 

He frowned. “I wish there was a way to make a club that was only for gay people. Then I wouldn’t have to worry about straight people asking dumb questions.”

 

“Straight people always ask dumb questions,” Ryan said. Apparently he and Pete were done with whatever they’d been doing over there. Ryan flipped his hair out of his face. “What were you guys talking about?”

 

“The GSA at Gordon,” Linda said. “It’s not as bad as Spencer thinks it is.”

 

“Patrick said it’s pretty bad,” Ryan said. 

 

“If you guys needed a place to hang out, you could always come over to my apartment,” Pete said. “I have one roommate but we’re both rarely at home because of work and school and shit. I could give Ryan a key and you guys could host gay only parties there if you needed the space.”

 

“We can use my house, but thanks anyway,” Spencer said quickly. He didn’t care that much if Ryan hooked up with older guys, but it was always super weird when the guys tried to act like they could be friends with everyone else Ryan hung out with. Ryan needed to learn how to seperate his tinder nonsense from his real life nonsense. The two worlds weren’t meant to mix, and Ryan didn’t get it because he didn’t get a lot of social hierarchy shit. 

 

“Your mom wouldn’t care?” Linda asked. 

 

“Nah,” Spencer said. “She’s in PFLAG.”

 

“Nice,” Linda said. Spencer was pretty sure she was a closeted bi girl. Straight people weren’t that genuine with their support. They usually saw the bare minimum as something to be celebrated. Linda seemed to actually give a shit about gay shit. “So, like, would you actually want to do it? Host gay only parties at your house to talk about LGBT+ issues?”

 

“I mean, I’d have to actually ask my mom, but probably,” Spencer said. 

 

Linda grinned, and hugged him. “You’re awesome.”

 

“You know you have to actually be gay to come, right?” Ryan said. He was looking at Linda like she’d personally offended him by hugging his best friend. Ryan was full of bullshit sometimes. “Like, it’s great that you want us to have a space where we can be ourselves, but we’re not even going to let Spencer’s mom in. And she’s the coolest straight parent ever. I’m allowed to say that because I’m not her son. Spencer would be shot in to orbit if he was the one who said it.”

 

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Don’t be dramatic. My mom can be cool sometimes.”

 

“I’m… I mean, you guys aren’t going to tell anyone else anything that happened here, right?” Linda asked. She bit her lip, nervous. 

 

“I don’t know anyone you’d know,” Pete said. “I’m basically just here to look good.”

 

“You’re succeeding,” Ryan said. “And no, if you told us something you didn't want anyone else to know, we’d keep it a secret. I mean, I’m at Spencer’s house all the time anyway, so if we did decide to be assholes, you could just sneak in through his bedroom window and stab us or whatever.”

 

“Please don’t stab us,” Spencer said. 

 

“...I wasn’t planning on it?” Linda said, a little confused by the whole conversation. “I was just going to tell you guys that I joined the GSA because I was questioning my own seuxality. So, I don’t know if I’m gay or bi or whatever but I’m… I’m I don’t know. That’s my sexual orientation.”

 

“That’s cool,” Spencer said. “And you’re totally welcome to come over, if this ends up being a thing.”

 

“Sweet,” Linda said. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The good news is I'm almost done with school. The bad news is that I still have two finals left. Unfortunately. And then my brother abandons me for the entire summer because he has his life together and gets to study abroad in France. 
> 
> So, I might get a lot of writing done this summer or I might not. We'll see. 
> 
> Enjoy!

“You like her,” Ryan said. He and Spencer were sitting in a Starbucks at nine in the evening because neither of them wanted to go to Crystal’s dance recital and Spencer’s mom had made them promise to keep Jackie out of trouble. Jackie was currently sitting on the floor of the anime section, reading  _ A Clockwork Orange _ . Jackie was fucking weird. She was probably doing it to seem edgy. 

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Spencer said. 

 

Ryan raised his eyebrow. 

 

“I don’t,” Spencer said again. He didn’t. 

 

“Linda?” Ryan said, raising his eyebrows. He was drinking coffee. He wasn’t supposed to be drinking coffee because it made him vibrate and not sleep. Spencer had given up on trying to stop him. Ryan did what he wanted, even if it fucked him over in the long run. 

 

“Yeah?” Spencer said. 

 

“So you do like her,” Ryan said. 

 

“I never said that,” Spencer said. He hadn’t. 

 

“But you do,” Ryan said. 

 

Spencer rolled his eyes. “Yes. I do like her. What’s your point?”

 

“You have a crush on a girl,” Ryan said. “It’s funny.”

 

“You’re a piece of shit,” Spencer said. He was pretty sure his face was going red. Ugh. 

 

“I am,” Ryan said. “Doesn’t negate the facts.”

 

“What am I supposed to do about it?” Spencer said. He ran his thumb around the lid of his own cup of coffee, and hoped that the baristas didn’t think he and Ryan were together. Everyone thought that, because Spencer still looked like a girl and Ryan didn’t look as gay as he really was. Spencer wouldn’t have cared so much if people thought that he and Ryan were a gay couple, but Spencer didn’t have that much faith in his passing abilities. 

 

“Probably ask her out,” Ryan said. 

 

Spencer rolled her eyes. “I know that, but I don’t have experience. With girls. Or with anyone, but Linda’s a girl so I don’t really care about the guy thing right now.”

 

“I have even less experience with girls, so I don’t know why you’re asking me,” Ryan said. 

 

“You have something,” Spencer said. He shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe you could help me out.”

 

* * *

 

Spencer and his mom were going through more boxes. They’d been moved in for a little over two months now, and they were still finding boxes to unpack. Spencer wondered if moving was always like this. He’d be fine living with his mom for the rest of his life it was. Boxes were a pain in the ass. He never wanted to see another one in his life, or have to unpack again. 

 

“Your birthday’s in a few days,” his mom said. “What did you and Ryan have planned?”

 

“I don’t know,” Spencer said. “We haven’t talked about it. We should, though, shouldn’t we? I mean, Ryan’s turning sixteen. That’s important.”

 

“It doesn’t have to be anything big,” Ginger said. Spencer felt that that was a warning. Spencer hadn’t been thinking of throwing a huge party for him and Ryan anyway. Ryan didn’t do well with a lot of background noise. It made him anxious, and Spencer didn’t want his friend to be freaking out or hiding in the bathroom for his own birthday. That would suck ass. 

 

“We could just invite some friends over,” Spencer said. He glanced out into the backyard. “It’d be better if we had a pool, though.”

 

“If we had a pool, you’d be the one cleaning it.”

 

“...I’m okay without a pool, actually. We can hang out inside,” Spencer said. Pools were great, but they got nasty really quickly. He let the conversation die back down while he and his mom finished up the box they’d found, and then he headed up to his room. 

 

Spencer’s new room was smaller than his old room. It was also up on the second floor, unlike in the old house where he’d had a room on the first floor while his parents were upstairs with the bonus room. Spencer’s room was across the hall from Crystal and Jackie’s, and his window looked out at the street. He could see everyone driving by, or the little kids who ran around on bikes and were generally a road hazard. He didn’t think that he and Ryan had been road hazards when they were kids. They preferred hanging out in Spencer’s old backyard. 

 

Spencer sent a text to Ryan:  _ has anyone moved into my old house yet _

 

_ no. _

_ why _

 

_ because i was thinking it would be fun to sneak in if no one’s using it. do u think the pool still works _

 

_ use lindas _

 

_ we could invite her? _

 

_ no _

_ u have bad ideas _

 

Spencer rolled his eyes. He had great ideas. Ryan was just boring and didn’t appreciate Spencer’s genius. He told Ryan to at least come over, and Ryan said he would. Ryan always came over to Spencer’s house, and Spencer moving twenty minutes away hadn’t changed that. It just meant that Spencer had to wait for Ryan to arrive instead of just running to the front door and unlocking it for him. 

 

He sat down on his bed and opened up Snapchat to see what his friends were doing. Dallon and Jon were at the mall with Jon’s girlfriend, and Dallon was zooming in on them while he played dramatic music in the background. Brendon was posting more videos of his dogs sleeping, because that was literally all he posted on Snapchat, and Patrick had discovered that his Beatles t-shirt was recognised by the filters and was putting the dog filter over everyone. 

 

Ryan hadn’t updated his Snapchat since school, so the only thing on it was a video zooming in on Spencer while he ate lunch. The caption, because Ryan sucked, was  _ CRONJ _ and then the eggplant emoji. Spencer didn’t get it. 

 

Spencer’s mom didn’t tell Spencer when Ryan got there. Ryan just walked in through Spencer’s door while he was watching Stranger Things edits on his Instagram feed. Ryan scrunched up his nose. “What the hell is that music? It sounds like shit.”

 

“Shut up, Ry,” Spencer said, and quickly left Instagram. He sat up and set his phone down beside him. Ryan was dressed like he’d just woken up, even though Spencer had seen him all day at school and knew he’d looked different at the beginning of the day. Spencer frowned. “Did you change clothes?”

 

“Someone threw milk on me,” Ryan said, and shrugged. He walked over and sat down beside Spencer, leaving about a foot of space between the two of them. If Spencer sniffed deeply, he could smell a bit of milk. Spencer didn’t make a habit of smelling his friends, though, so he didn’t say anything to Ryan about it. Ryan looked defeated enough as it was, with his shoulders hunched in and his damp hair in his face. He looked at Spencer through his bangs. “What do you wanna do?”

 

“Kick the ass of the person who threw milk on you,” Spencer said. 

 

Ryan rolled his eyes. “It’s not worth it.”

 

“They were being a dick, Ryan, of course it’s worth it,” Spencer said. Ryan was the weird kid. Spencer knew this. Ryan knew this. People used to call him Ry-tard when he was in elementary school, and it only stopped when Ryan got added into the gifted program the next year. Kids were cruel, and they didn’t like that Ryan was different. Spencer had compiled a list of all the kids who had ever called Ryan that, and he kept track of them online so that when they ended up getting nowhere in life ten years from now he could DM them and tell them that was what they deserved for being a little shit to Ryan. 

 

“You’re not a hero, you know,” Ryan said. 

 

Spencer raised an eyebrow. 

 

“You don’t have to save people, or fight bullies, or whatever you’re thinking about,” Ryan said. “The world isn’t yours to save.”

 

“You know, sometimes you say some really smart shit,” Spencer said. He crossed his arms over his chest. “Today is not one of those times. You’re my friend. I’m going to be a reckless superhero idiot for you.”

 

“Sure,” Ryan said. He pulled at a string on his jeans. “Did you want to learn how to kiss girls or not?”

 

“Wouldn’t we need a girl for that?”

 

“Fuck off,” Ryan said, yanking the thread out of his jeans. “All mouths are the same.”

 

Ryan had a better understanding of mouths than Spencer did, since he’d kissed multiple people and Spencer had kissed absolutely no one. He wasn’t counting family. His family didn’t kiss each other that much, and Spencer was fine with that because the whole concept of kissing someone he was related to kind of creeped him out. It was weird. Spencer was all for affection, but he didn’t want to kiss his aunt. 

 

“Show me,” Spencer said. His mom wouldn’t care. His mom would probably just tell them to use protection, and then Spencer would die on the spot because he was  _ not _ going to have sex with Ryan. Kissing him was okay, because it wasn’t for real and it wasn’t like anyone other than the two of them would know. Sex was bigger than kissing. Way bigger. Spencer was going to save that for someone he was in love with. 

 

“You can keep your eyes open for this if it makes it less awkward, but when you actually kiss Linda, you’re going to want them to be closed,” Ryan said. He reached out and grabbed Spencer’s wrists. “And when you kiss for the first time--or the first few times--you’ll want to put your hands on her face. Everyone has different facial proportions, and so sometimes you might think you’ll hit their mouth, but then you miss, and it’s embarrassing. Don’t let your first kiss be embarrassing.”

 

Spencer placed his hands on Ryan’s face. His skin was cool, probably from the shower he’d just taken. There were bumps and little scrapes across his cheeks from acne, and Spencer could feel a little stubble on the edge of his jaw. “Linda’s face will feel different from yours, right?”

 

“Probably,” Ryan said. “I’ve never held a girl’s face, but I’ve heard they’re a lot smoother than guys.”

 

“She’s not going to think it’s weird that I have a soft face, right?” Spencer asked, and drew one of his hands back to rub his fingers across his own cheek. It was soft, with a little bit of peach fuzz and acne scarring. It felt nothing like Ryan’s. “Like, what if she holds my face and she realises it’s like a girl’s and then she doesn’t want to kiss me?”

 

“You’re thinking too much,” Ryan said. “And if you get her face first, she won’t reach for yours. She’ll probably put her hands on your shoulders, like this.”

 

Ryan placed his hands on Spencer’s shoulders, curling his fingers around so that they dug into the muscle a little. It felt pretty good. Spencer imagined it would feel even better when he was doing it with Linda instead of his friend. 

 

Spencer nodded. “Okay. Now what?”

 

“Put your hand back on my face,” Ryan said. Spencer did. Ryan ran his tongue over his lips. “Alright, open your mouth a little--not that much. I--no. Uh, pretend your nose is stuffed up and you have to use your mouth to breathe but you don’t want to look like one of those creepy dudes who breathe through their mouth by choice.”

 

Spencer closed his mouth and then parted his lips slightly. 

 

Ryan nodded. “Okay. Good. Better. I’ve never paid this much attention to someone’s kissing in my life.”

 

“Shut up,” Spencer said. “I want to do it right.”

 

“I know,” Ryan said. He swallowed. “Um. I guess you just, you know, lean forward, and press your lips to mine.”

 

Spencer did what he was told, and bashed his nose against Ryan’s. Both boys recoiled, holding their faces in their hands. Spencer could feel himself going red in the face. That wasn’t how kissing was supposed to work. He was inexperienced, but he knew that much. It wasn’t supposed to hurt. It was supposed to feel pretty awesome, according to literally everyone else. 

 

“Tilt your fucking head, Jesus Christ,” Ryan said. His voice was muffled behind his hands, and he sounded stuffed up. 

 

Spencer giggled. “You didn’t tell me that part.”

 

“I thought it was obvious!”

 

“I guess not,” Spencer said, and removed his hands from his face. He touched his nose, gently, but it didn’t feel bad. He reached out and pulled Ryan’s hands away from his face, and then cupped his hands over Ryan’s cheeks. He raised an eyebrow, nervous suddenly. “Do you… can I try again?”

 

“As long as you don’t headbutt me or anything,” Ryan said, and put his hands back on Spencer’s shoulders. Spencer took a deep breath, and leaned again. His nose hurt, but he remembered to tilt his face this time. His lips touched Ryan’s, and… nothing. Nothing changed. Spencer had his eyes open, but Ryan had his closed, and Spencer could see each of his eyelashes up close like this. Ryan’s lips were soft and dry. 

 

Spencer sat back. “So. How was that?”

 

“You kissed me like I wasn’t a real person,” Ryan said. He touched his own mouth. “So, not that we need to do it again, but for next time: act like you’re enjoying it.”

 

“What if I’m not?” Spencer asked. 

 

“Then tell the person,” Ryan said. “But put effort in first. It’s hard to feel something if you’re not looking for it in the first place.”

 

* * *

 

The new GSA had its first meeting two weeks later. The meeting consisted of Ryan, Spencer, Linda, Patrick, Joe, Brendon and Pete sitting around Spencer’s living room and eating popcorn. They played Cards Against Humanity, since Pete had a set he was willing to spare, and didn’t change anything at all. It felt more like Spencer had invited his friends over than a club meeting. 

 

Ryan and Linda were the only two left. Pete offered to drive Brendon, Joe, and Patrick home since he lived in that direction, and the three boys had taken him up on it. They didn’t see Pete as Ryan’s weird college boyfriend. They just saw him as an older guy who didn’t think they were weirdos. 

 

“Should we invite more people?” Spencer asked. “That didn’t feel like a club.”

 

“I’ve told people about it, but I don’t want it to become a carbon copy of the real GSA,” Linda said. “Maybe we should choose a place closer to the school.”

 

“Where?” Ryan asked. He was ripping up the popcorn bag into tiny strips of paper. “I don’t think we can cram a bunch of gays into a McDonald’s. I don’t think the people there would be okay with it.”

 

“We have to do something,” Linda said. “It was nice to have actual gay people around for once.”

 

Spencer didn’t have a solution. He took the popcorn bags that Ryan wasn’t working on into the kitchen and tossed them into the trash. The sun was setting, and Spencer nearly blinded himself when he looked up through the window over the sink. He turned away and walked over to the kitchen table. His mom was at work, and he had no idea where either of his sisters were. 

 

He had the house to himself. And Linda and Ryan, but neither of them would try and take control from him. They understood that Spencer lived here, and because of that, if he wanted to do something, his vote mattered a lot more than either of theirs. Ryan’s vote mattered more than Linda’s because Ryan’s dad sucked ass and Ryan stayed at Spencer’s house enough that some of his mail ended up there. Linda was next door. If she wanted to do something that the boys didn’t care for, she could walk back over and do it herself. Spencer wouldn’t make Linda do that, though. He liked her. He’d sit around and watch the Princess Diaries if that’s what she wanted to do. 

 

He set the table without thinking about why he was setting the table before his mom got back, and then went back to his friends in the living room. 

 

Ryan stared him down. “That took you a while.”

 

“Got distracted,” Spencer said. He dropped down onto the couch beside Linda and didn’t miss the look Ryan gave him. Spencer wasn't good at being subtle, but he was trying. He wasn't throwing himself at Linda or trying to put his arm around her shoulders. He was just sitting next to her. He wasn’t closer to Linda than he’d be with Ryan. Ryan and Spencer had given up on normal personal boundaries years ago. Ryan wasn’t big on hugging for whatever reason, but he and Spencer were almost always taped to each other’s shoulders. 

 

“Spencer’s house isn’t  _ that _ far from the school,” Ryan said after he was done judging Spencer for sitting next to his crush. “To get back to what we were talking about before Spencer walked out.”

 

“You’re right, but would  _ you _ want to go to some stranger’s house and be gay if you didn’t know anything about them? Spencer’s got a trusting face, but he’s still just a random guy to most of the school,” Linda argued. She had a good point. Spencer didn’t want to point that out, though, because, he knew that Ryan hated going to new places. He was weird about that, too.

 

“I guess we could meet at the library,” Ryan said. He scratched at the back of his hand. “The public one, not the one at school. I’ve been there a few times, and it’s not bad. We can rent a study room so that we’re out of the way of the other people there.”

 

“That might work,” Spencer said. “But how far is the library? I’ve never been.”

 

“I can walk there from school,” Ryan said, which meant that he went there whenever he couldn’t come over to Spencer’s house. Ryan pulled his knees up to his chest. “It’s not bad, and we don’t need to reserve the room in advance or anything. We can just show up and get one of the rooms, and we shouldn’t have to wait for anyone else to clear out. No one really uses the study rooms unless they’re a book club.”

 

Linda grinned. “That’s perfect, Ryan. Let’s do that.”

 

And so, between the three of them, the time and place were decided and the alternate GSA was formed. Spencer felt pretty awesome about the whole thing. He didn’t know how successful it would be, since the school already had a GSA, but he was still excited. He could probably put the club on his college resume, even though it wasn’t a real club and he didn’t know if there was a leader or president or whatever. He was friends with a girl and he was actually doing something with his life. And on top of that, Spencer was pretty sure that his crush thought he was a cool person. 

 

That was all a win in his book.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the last pre-written chapter, so from now on updates will happen... whenever they happen. 
> 
> Enjoy!

The library was kind of small and it smelled like books and warmth. Spencer could see why Ryan liked it. It wasn’t super bright, and there wasn’t a lot of background noise. Everyone was either on one of the computers or skimming through a book in one of the plushy chairs. Spencer followed Ryan and Linda through the library and to the study rooms in the back. There were only two, and neither of them were in use. Ryan just grabbed one of them and led the other two inside. 

 

Ryan flicked on the lights and did jazz hands. “Ta-da!”

 

“We should make a sign,” Spencer said. “So that people don’t go into the wrong room.”

 

“True,” Linda said, and pulled out a piece of paper from her backpack. Spencer leaned over her shoulder while she wrote out  _ Bishop Gordon Pride Meeting _ in her tall, neat handwriting. She also had tape, surprisingly enough. She taped the sign to the inside of the window, and then the three of them moved the chairs around so that the were all facing the table in the middle of the room. 

 

“Who’s going to be in the middle?” Linda asked. There were about five minutes before people were supposed to start showing up.

 

“Spencer can do it,” Ryan said. 

 

Spencer raised an eyebrow. “You sure? I thought you liked being in the middle.”

 

“Pete’s coming,” Ryan said, and sat down with one chair between him and Linda. “I won’t get stuck beside a stranger.”

 

“Okay,” Spencer said. He moved to sit between his two friends. Linda had a new sheet of paper out, which she explained was for people to leave their name and phone number so that she could send out any updates about the group. Spencer smiled. “We should make a group chat.”

 

“I was thinking about Facebook Messenger for that,” Linda said. “I have an Android and I know some people care about that.”

 

“I don’t,” Spencer said automatically. Ryan rolled his eyes and Spencer stepped on his foot. Spencer was being supportive, and he didn't need Ryan being a sarcastic little shit to throw him off. He knew that he wasn’t super cool, but he was trying, and he knew that girls liked it when people were nice to them. 

 

Most people liked it when others were nice them, but girls especially. Guys tended to be assholes. Girls actually had feelings, at least as far as Spencer could tell. 

 

Pete was the first one to show up, and he’d brought a few friends with him. He introduced them as Hayley, William, and Travie. Pete and his three friends slid in on the other side of Ryan, and Pete explained that his friends were seniors at the public high school and that their GSA had been overrun with people who thought that sapiosexual was a genuine orientation. Spencer felt bad for them, so he sent the contact sheet their way. He didn’t care if people came from different schools. Everyone deserved a place where they felt like they could be themselves. 

 

Brendon, Dallon, and Jon showed up next, along with two other girls that Jon knew from his photography class. The girls were Sarah, who was in Spencer’s grade, and Breezy, who was in Ryan’s, and they sat down beside Linda. Patrick and Joe showed up a minute or so later, and announced that they were dating. Jon gave the boys high-fives, as did Pete, because apparently he knew Joe from somewhere. A few other people filtered in while Linda was explaining the meeting, and they grabbed chairs and pushed into the table as well. 

 

Spencer nudged Linda, and she grinned back at him. This whole gays only GSA was actually going to work. 

 

* * *

 

Spencer wasn’t surprised when the school’s actual GSA leaders found out about the Pride Meetings and tried to stop them. He was even less surprised when Linda told them to fuck off, and that there was no such thing as too much support for the LGBT community. 

 

He was very surprised, however, when one of the leaders accused her of being a straight girl and Linda snapped back with, “I’m a lesbian, thank you very much.”

 

On one hand, Spencer was proud of her for coming out. On the other, it meant that he had absolutely no chance. He could be okay with that, though. He was still in high school, and he had time. He didn’t tell Ryan about it, though, because by the time the news got around to Ryan, someone had changed Linda into being biromantic or something. Spencer wasn’t sure. All he knew was that Ryan didn’t know that Linda was a lesbian now and Spencer didn’t want to change that. 

 

For some reason. He didn’t know why. It wasn’t like he had a crush on Ryan, or wanted to kiss him. It was that the practice was nice, and the more he and Ryan practiced kissing, the better Spencer would be when he actually dated someone who didn’t turn out to be a lesbian. 

 

Spencer and Linda were on the bus home, and Linda was nervous. Spencer got it; she’d just come out, and now the whole school was talking about it, and her parents didn’t know. He patted her on the arm. “Hey. I mean, if your parents take it badly, you don’t have to go far. My mom’ll totally adopt you.”

 

“Thanks, Spencer,” Linda said. “But I’m not worried about my parents.”

 

“You’re not?” Spencer couldn’t imagine what that was like. Sure, his mom and dad had been really cool with him being bi and then trans, but he hadn’t known that until he’d told them himself. He shifted around in his seat so that he was facing Linda. “What are you worried about, then?”

 

“You remember that girl from the meetings, right? Sarah?” Linda said. “The one with the really pretty eyes and cute nail art?”

 

“Uh, sure?” Spencer asked. Maybe. He didn’t pay much attention to people’s nails. 

 

“Well, turns out she’s bi, and she’s in your grade, which I don’t care about because that’s only a year different, but I think I like her and she’s, like, super popular,” Linda said. “Like, everyone knows her and says she’s really sweet and all that shit kind of popular. And I just made myself the evil lesbian, and now I have absolutely no chance with her.”

 

“Don’t put yourself down like that,” Spencer said. “At least she’s into girls.”

 

“Yeah, but would she be into this girl?” Linda said, and pointed to herself. 

 

Spencer resisted the urge to say, “who wouldn’t,” because he was trying to not be one of those asshole dudes who thought lesbians were hot. “You never know until you try. I mean, hey, what have you got to lose at this point?”

 

Linda raised her eyebrows. “My dignity?”

 

“Okay, good point.” 

 

Linda nodded. A silent  _ that’s what I thought _ . She and Spencer discussed various reasons to either talk to Linda’s crush or not on the way home, and the conversation continued after they’d gotten off the bus. It was weird. Sometime in the last twenty minutes, Spencer’s crush on Linda had disappeared completely. He was completely on board with helping her get a girlfriend and not be a part of the useless lesbian trope. 

 

“See you tomorrow,” Linda said. She was standing in her driveway and Spencer was still in the road. Spencer gave her a peace sign and she turned around and strode up to her door. Spencer waited until she’d opened it to walk over to his house next door. Both of Linda’s parents worked during the day, and even though she had a key, Spencer always made sure that she could get inside. He didn’t want her to get locked out. Sure, she could just come over and hang out at Spencer’s house, but he didn’t want to force her to do that. 

 

He unlocked his front door and slid into his house, flipping on the lights as he moved through it. His mom was at work, and his sisters wouldn’t be home for two more hours. He had the place to himself. 

 

Spencer grinned. He loved having the house to himself. It meant that, theoretically, he could do whatever he wanted. He usually just pulled up Netflix on his Laptop and watched random episodes of  _ It’s Always Sunny _ instead of doing anything really rebellious. He lived a boring life. Spencer thought about doing just that, but went upstairs to his room and dropped down onto his bed instead. He ended up on YouTube, mindlessly rewatching Chase Ross videos. 

 

Ryan texted him in the middle of one of them. Spencer rolled his eyes and tapped on the notification. 

 

_ Ryan: Hey do u want me to come over? _

_ Spencer: Why? Do u need to? _

_ Ryan: Nah. I just thought you might wanna do some more practice stuff. You’ve been hanging out with Linda a lot *eyes emoji* _

_ Spencer: Don’t use that at me _

 

He sighed and tapped the side of his phone. Linda was only into girls, and she was specifically into one girl, so Spencer didn’t need Ryan’s help anymore. But there was a part of him that didn’t want to tell Ryan that. He liked kissing Ryan. Ryan was a good kisser, and he didn’t make things weird. 

 

_ Spencer: Sure. My mom’s not home _

_ Ryan: Saucy _

_ Spencer: No. _

 

Ryan got a ride from his neighbour and then showed up about twenty minutes later. Spencer was at the door before Ryan could knock, and he let his friend in. Ryan kicked his shoes off and headed upstairs before Spencer could ask him where he wanted to do this. Spencer rolled his eyes and then followed Ryan up as well. Ryan clearly had a plan. Spencer was fine with letting him take the lead on this. 

 

Ryan set his backpack down next to Spencer’s and then sat down on the edge of his bed. He pushed his bangs away from his face and looked up at Spencer. “How far do you want to go with Linda? Like, what are you comfortable with?”

 

“I don’t know,” Spencer said. He didn’t. He knew that taking off his pants was an absolute nope, but other than that he didn’t know where his boundaries were. He had a lot of dysphoria, but he’d never been in a situation where someone else was looking at his body. It was always just Spencer and the mirror. 

 

Ryan nodded, and cracked his knuckles methodically. “You should figure that out.”

 

“I know,” Spencer said. He moved over and sat down next to Ryan. “I’ve never had to think about it, though.”

 

“Start thinking, then,” Ryan said. 

 

“Can I kiss you again, and see how that feels?” Spencer said. Ryan nodded, slowly, and reminded Spencer that kissing him wouldn’t be like kissing Linda because girls were softer, blah-blah-blah. Spencer placed his hands on Ryan’s face and leaned in while Ryan was still kind of talking. It wasn’t a good kiss, because Spencer was kissing Ryan’s teeth instead of his lips. He pulled back and Ryan was staring at him with wide eyes. Spencer bit his lip. “I know, I messed up. Sorry.”

 

“Um,” Ryan said. “Yes. That. Yes. You messed up. Don’t… don’t kiss someone while they’re talking. That’s. That’s bad.”

 

“Got it,” Spencer said. He was still holding Ryan’s face. He dropped his gaze down to Ryan’s lips for a moment. “Can I try now.”

 

Ryan nodded. Spencer leaned in again, careful to kiss Ryan’s lips instead of anywhere else, and moved Ryan’s head slightly so that they weren’t just pressing their faces to each other. He pulled back quickly, so that things couldn’t get awkward. He smiled. “Good?”

 

“Good,” Ryan said. He looked nervous. Spencer had a bad feeling that Ryan was lying to him. 

 

Spencer frowned. “Ry, if this is making you uncomfortable because of Pete or whatever… we don’t have to do this.”

 

“It’s not Pete,” Ryan blurted out. 

 

“It’s not?”

 

“It’s not,” Ryan repeated. He rubbed his palms across his knees and clicked his tongue a few times. “Pete… I broke up with Pete. He was hot, but I didn’t feel like he was supposed to be my boyfriend. We’re still friends, we just don’t kiss anymore.”

 

“Oh,” Spencer said. He was relieved. He didn’t hate Pete as a person, but Pete was too old for Ryan and Spencer knew Ryan deserved a guy who would be going through the same life experiences as him. Pete was an adult, with taxes and tuition and shit. Ryan was still in high school, and even though he was emotionally mature, he was still only sixteen. Spencer didn’t want him to feel like he had to grow up for Pete. 

 

He looked away from Ryan for a moment. “Are you happy about that?”

 

“Yeah,” Ryan said. Spencer turned back in time to see Ryan looking away from him. “I think I’m getting a crush on someone else, anyway.”

 

Spencer laughed. “Convenient. I can teach you how to talk about your feelings while you teach me how to kiss.”

 

Ryan flipped him off. Spencer only laughed harder.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Please leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed!


End file.
